It’s very hard to forgive someone of an action that has been meted out to us. It’s a hard thing to do and many of us in one way or another have come to this point somewhere in our lives where certain things done to us by others may seem almost impossible to forget much more easy to forgive. But we need to understand the very basic principle in forgiveness and how beneficial it is to us as humans in doing so. When people wrong or offend us, it is within our power to either decide to hold on to the hurt and pain or totally decide to let go. This is an assured way of setting ourselves free and retaining absolute peace of mind. This article aims to teach us How to Forgive Someone.
Forgiveness does not only place us in that spot of being fulfilled deep within ourselves but it’s a total process of mourning and nursing the pain we feel which most often may appear unbearable but we get to go through anyways, coming out just fine. If I am to be hurt by someone and I decide to forgive them, unconsciously I am doing it for me…not for the one who hurt me. The pain, anger, bitterness carried along does not bring me anything, but could take a lot out of my life. There’s this whole new energy channeled into hating someone who hurts us which could be translated into doing other important and beautiful things worth earning in our lives. Not many of us know how to forgive someone when they offend us. We might say we do know how but we are the same people who constantly dwell on the pains and hurts done to us by yesterday’s hiccup of our lives (people who hurt us). Some may say they could forgive but then they just can’t forget. If that is the case then we don’t forgive at all, because forgiveness in all sincerity is about letting go of everything and deciding to turn over a clean sheet with whoever it is that offended you.
When we take a look into the bible, we get to view some great men of God who displayed quite enviable traits of forgiving people who wronged them. People who hurt them in the worst possible ways ever, yet they kept that fact of being hurt or ridiculed away and totally decide to forgive their offenders. Jesus Christ while on his mission here on earth, never failed to love, kindness and forgiveness towards the people he came into contact with. Even up to the time when he was given up to be crucified by the Romans, he still pleaded with his father above to forgive those who had hurt him…. Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots (Luke 23: 34 KJV). This goes to strongly demonstrate his love for others even greater for the ones who offend him.
Forgiveness is a great tool to possess in life if one wishes to urge forward in life. It’s not a matter of saying we forgive when deep within our hearts we pretend and hold every act ever done to us in hatred of the people who meted out these acts…., some unknowingly and others quite planned out in a bid to hurt and break us down. But let me tell you some truth today…., are you aware that peoples actions towards us will only hurt as far as we allow them get to us? Very much the truth I must say! When we prove to people that their actions towards us don’t affect us even a tiny little bit, then we make them fully aware of the fact that they can’t hurt us or break us down. Inasmuch as their words may pierce so deep like a dagger we only allow it to go very far if we continue to dwell on it…., this is where the whole journey of forgiveness comes from. In order to really forgive, we need to be aware of why we must do it. Let me take you through some few pointers I managed to draft out on how to forgive someone who wrong us or better still hurt us. In order to forgive someone, you have to…..
How to Forgive Someone Step 1
Remind yourself that you’re not doing it for their sake, but rather you doing it so you can move on with your life. When you carry along so much bitterness, pain and anger towards someone who hurts you, it only ends up ruining the beauty inside and from the outside of your being. This person takes away your happiness and every other positive quality that you could possibly possess. Your positivity becomes fragile in the sight of this person and they now view you as a complete loser because you gave them the satisfaction of having seen you break down by what they did to you. Do not give them that satisfaction! Don’t allow them get to you. Bolden up and let their actions against you go down the drain. Pretend it never even happened. Forgive them for their works towards you. That’s all you need in doing to set yourself free.
How to Forgive Someone – Step 2
Forget about the past and that very much constitutes every little act done towards hurting you. When you allow yourself bruise over what has been done to you by others for too long ,you may naturally never really get to forget the pain, hurt, anger or bitterness that you manage to feel when such actions were meted out to you. By letting go, what I mean is for you to completely leave behind all of that ugly past and forge ahead. Make your life once more worthy of living. Do not create a vacuum in your heart or your life; leaving people who don’t deserve to occupy spaces in there fill up the whole place. What then happens to the people who are good to you and really love you? Where do they occupy in your life? No place….; because you’ve managed to single handedly fill those spaces with these ‘insignificant’ others. Hatred and bitterness are emotions that consume one physically and spiritually. They can cause great harms which cannot be undone at the end of the day. Why would you want to go through all this just because you fail to forget the past? Forgiveness is the key!
How to Forgive Someone – Step 3
Place yourself in the shoes of the person who needs to be forgiven and just pause to consider what forgiveness would mean to you if it were you in that position. Would you feel ok if you ever offended someone and they made you feel like the worst person on earth, while refusing to forget about what you did to them and would not forgive you in addition? Likewise the same manner with which you harden your heart and settle on not forgiving people who offend you in life. Treating someone this way may look acceptable to you, but I just need you to ponder on these few words I write…. ‘If you were in their place, would you feel good about yourself if they refused to forgive you?’
How to Forgive Someone – Step 4
Realize the essence and importance of love! It’s very hard most at times forgiving people who hurt us, but more difficult if they are people we love very much and trust as well. Is this not true? Now, the reason may stem from the fact that we may feel somehow disappointed in them for meting out such a hurtful acts against us though we love and trust them very much of which they may fully be aware of. We don’t have to retaliate against the people who hurt us. It’s in our place to forgive them. That’s the very essence of proving true love towards them. True and genuine love is not about mere words alone. It goes beyond that. We need to understand the fact that love is all about forgiveness and the bible says it all. A quick glance into the book of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV) affirms this fact… ‘Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.’ If we really love somebody, the best time to demonstrate this love is during those times when they offend us. Those times when they knowingly or unknowingly say or do stuff that hurts us so much…..that is the point in time we need to prove to them that because of the love we feel and have for them, we are willing to forgive and let it go.
Almost everybody at some point in life has gotten to that point where they’ve been hurt by people, for some it may have been people they loved and trusted so much, whiles for some others it may have been people they were hardly ever even close to. The fact that we can pick ourselves up whenever we stumble through the act of someone hurting us goes to show that we are capable of forgiving only if we purpose our minds to doing it. It can be hard….real hard I must say, but should that deter us from ever truly pardoning the wrong done to us by others? I don’t think so. If we are to live our lives to suit our maker, then it’s pointless to hold on to trivial matters of which when forgotten could bring us immense joy, peace and fulfillment. You lose every sense of connection with anybody you come into contact with when you decide to live an unforgiving life. It’s as simple as that. Your life becomes one messed up, depressing and uncomfortable nightmare to bear. Think of the satisfaction derived by those who even hurt you when they get to realize how hit you are by their actions. We all need to learn to add that little bit of spice of forgiveness to our lives. No matter what someone does to us, we need to let it go and consider the fact that we are much stronger and greater than that action done to us. It may hurt, I know, but that all good feeling you get inside when you finally let it out of your system and forgive the one who hurt you, is all so pleasant and fulfilling both inwards and outwards of our being. I may not know your past, what you’ve been through or who has hurt you somewhere along the line, but I do know that all of that bitterness you have all bottled up inside is not who you are. That is not what defines you as a person…., you are worth more than those emotions. Just let them go. Choose to let them go. Let the inner you shine, and the beauty inside of you blossom for all to see. You have nothing to lose anyways. Just forgive.
How to Forgive Someone was written by: Chantelle Iris Nunoo.